DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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