i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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