I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
