If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
