I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
