erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
