Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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