every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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