I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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