his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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