I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
