she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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