If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
