wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
