i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
