I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
