all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
