The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
