Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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