She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's blow job season.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
