She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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