yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
