She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
