so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
