If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He has the fingertips of a God
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
