Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
