So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He kissed a someone with a penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
