EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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