i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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