3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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