dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
