what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
