i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
