We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
