Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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