I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
