I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
