so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
