It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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