so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
