i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
please come you make the beer taste better
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
