one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
