I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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