Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
