First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
