Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
