You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
