Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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