I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
