I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
