I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
