I faked an abortion last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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