john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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